Fast food is probably the essence of what I cover here at WOAT: it’s by all accounts terrible and bad for you, but you (okay, I) can’t help but stay away from it. The American obsession with fast food is well-documented sociologically and says a lot of interesting things about our culture, but I never would have imagined that a song about Pizza Hut would have gone to no. 1 in Germany.
This is a schoolyard song that you may or may not be familiar with. If it’s the latter case, prepare to never have it leave your head, because I’ve been singing the song’s whopping two lines to myself for the better part of the day. It’s undoubtedly catchy, but sounds like the inside of a cheap tourist shop, and of course, you’re just thinking about Pizza Hut the entire time.
“Burger Dance” is actually adapted from a little number brilliantly titled “Fast Food Song” by the wow-this-is-also-creatively-named Fast Food Rockers but I chose this version to post for a few reasons; namely, it is worse. It also inexplicably features the Battle Hymn of the Republic near the end, which might amount to a funny critique of American food culture if there were a shred of irony anywhere else in this song. I don’t really believe in objective critique, but I’m pretty sure “Burger Dance” is about as intellectually bankrupt as it gets.
And then again, not every song needs to grapple with the moral issues of our time to be successful; in fact, most of them probably don’t. But look at how excited DJ Otzi is about his magic burgers from heaven in that single art–deep down inside, he believes he is creating value. And let me tell you, there is nothing valuable about eating an entire McDonald’s dinner box by yourself in a parking lot after midnight, glamorous as that may sound.
This song might be unfairly maligned, but only to an infinitesimally small degree. It’s not fun enough to justify the pure vapidity it brings to the table. This line has surely been bandied about before, but it really is the musical equivalent of fast food: cheap, tacky and I could have done a better job in my own kitchen. That doesn’t mean I won’t keep coming back to it when I have occasion to, but at least I’ll know it’s garbage when I do.