An oldie but a baddie: chicken in a can

In advance of my own horrible food review (which should be up shortly), I thought I’d post one of my principal inspirations when it comes to really nasty eats. Parts of this clip were shown on Tosh.0 a couple of years ago, but the whole thing–in which you get to see several canned chickens devoured, all guts and no glory–is a beauty unlike any other. I should probably provide a warning and say that it’s NSFW, because if your boss sees you watching this they will unquestionably judge you for the rest of their life. The same goes for your significant other, teacher, doctor, mailman and probably even your pets. So make sure you’re home alone, shut all the blinds, lock that deadbolt and buckle in for some good old fashioned chicken in a can!

Get ready for summer with QWOP

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Birds are singing, windows are open and sunshine is real again. If you’re like me, you probably pretend you’re going to finally use the good weather and the extra daylight to get back into your old fitness routine like you’ve been saying you would for months (or years…) If that seems a little too daunting, though, you have another option: be an Olympic runner from the comfort of your own computer.

QWOP has been around for ages, but I can always find new people to introduce it to every time I try. It’s a running simulator, and it is one of the most unplayable games of all time. I can’t pretend that I know what I’m doing in it, because I usually end up mashing buttons and doing a jerky crab-limp rather than actually performing like someone who is running–but that’s okay. At least, it’s okay until you get to the hurdles.

QWOP truly is a game that’s devoid of anything that makes games good–graphics, sensible controls, motivation, entertainment value–but I guarantee that if it’s your first time playing, you won’t give up easy. It’s something that has no right to be as hard as it is, but there you are, falling backwards and scoring negatives instead of taking one complete step. If nothing else, it’s great for a laugh. Just don’t sweat it too much when you helicopter onto your face.

Bad Ad: KFC fakes a, uh, just read the story

(How’s that for clickbait?)

This is a story that I knew was too good to pass up sharing as soon as I read the words “‘hot and spicy’ handjob” in the A.V. Club’s reporting. The gist of it is that KFC Australia tested out a suggestive ad for some new chicken thing it’s trying to pass off as food, and by “suggestive” I mean “it looks like straight-up porn.” People were understandably not so into the campaign and it quickly got pulled, perhaps too soon for it to be a real feature on this blog. But the article linked above is chock-full of great phrases lines like “McDonald’s is probably field-testing an R-rated Grimace right now, possibly one who breaks the fourth wall to ask you directly if, “You’re fuckin’ lovin’ it, right? Hell yeah, you are. Eat that shit up.”” and some seriously stellar suggested slogans for the chain to use in the future, so laugh (but please don’t eat) at your leisure.

Who is the worst actor of all time?

People are always debating about what the best things are, and for actors and actresses, it’s no different. Names like Daniel Day-Lewis, Marlon Brando, Meryl Streep and Katharine Hepburn are always tossed around as the highest of the high–but how about the lowest of the low?

This brilliant piece of WOAT-data journalism courtesy of Vox tries to settle the score once and for all using critic rating data and a few other markers to determine who is really, really bad at their jobs. Topping the male list are Rob Schneider and Adam Sandler, which is probably what everyone expected when they read my headline. For women, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Alba have the dishonor of starring in the worst movies.

There are some quirks in these lists–Nicolas Cage makes a surprising appearance–but on the whole this piece is a great read and worth checking out.

Another take on that whole Walking Dead thing

There’s been a week for the dust to settle on The Walking Dead‘s latest excuse for a finale, and while you can fault it for a whole lot of reasons, at least it started a conversation. A mostly negative and irritated conversation, but a conversation nonetheless.

Courtesy of NerdBrainBlog, here’s another post that airs some different grievances about the episode. Those unfamiliar with the comics should be warned of source material spoilers, but if you’ve been paying attention all season, you probably know what happened and then can maybe say what will happen next.

There’s some really interesting analysis in there–the thing that draws me the most is the parallel between Rick, who is a savage murderer, and Negan, who is also a savage murderer. In a better show, that sort of gray dichotomy would make for some pretty great storylines. But will it in season 7 (longer than The Sopranos, Six Feet Under, The Wire or Breaking Bad lasted, mind you) of Zombierama? I guess I’ll just have to hate-watch to find out.