When J. Robert Oppenheimer saw the detonation of the first atomic bomb which he helped to create in 1945, it brought forth to his mind a passage from the Indian epic the Mahabharata: “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” When I first learned that Burger King was going to start selling ugly red hamburgers, I thought the exact same thing.
My beautiful friend helped me direct the above, and that’s about the only good thing it has going for it, because let me tell you–this was not an enjoyable experience. But I’ll let you watch all seven grotesque minutes of me eating a hamburger and find that out for yourself.
In advance of my own horrible food review (which should be up shortly), I thought I’d post one of my principal inspirations when it comes to really nasty eats. Parts of this clip were shown on Tosh.0 a couple of years ago, but the whole thing–in which you get to see several canned chickens devoured, all guts and no glory–is a beauty unlike any other. I should probably provide a warning and say that it’s NSFW, because if your boss sees you watching this they will unquestionably judge you for the rest of their life. The same goes for your significant other, teacher, doctor, mailman and probably even your pets. So make sure you’re home alone, shut all the blinds, lock that deadbolt and buckle in for some good old fashioned chicken in a can!
I was in the grocery store the other day, absent-mindedly riding on the back wheels of my cart like a child when I laid my eyes on something that seemed too sinister, too eldritch, too grotesque to be true.
Move over, Wild Berry and other flavors that people actually want: the Watermelon Pop-Tart is here to fill you with dread. As soon as my eyes locked on the juxtaposition of the out-of-season fruit slice with the dry pastry that’s supposed to be its heir, I knew I had to buy them and eat them to see if I hated them.
Continue reading “WOAT Food Review: Watermelon Pop-Tarts”